My AZ tags are expire this month. Given the move to California, and the fact that AZ registration is pretty high, this isn't such a bad thing. However, going to the DMV is generally one of those things that nobody wants to do, especially in California. Remember, the state that has no money, and their solution to this is to close government offices a couple days a month to "save money". What happens next is the lines at the DMV get even longer, so taxpayers are away from their jobs... this means (for the hourly workers) less tax revenue for the state. Brilliant. Ok, so it's probably not that big of an impact to the state revenue stream, people will work around it, go in to work late, etc. And besides, California has this awesome (sounding) appointment system online for the DMV.

It would be awesome if the DMV wasn't stuck in the 1970's. It would also be awesome if it worked. Instead, here's what happens. First, you go to the website, pick the DMV you want to go to, and it tells you the soonest appointment time available. From there you can pick that time or select your own time. Say you don't like their time so you want your own... first thing you notice is there are date options for days prior to the first available appointment time. You scratch your head, but continue on. Next you choose a time soon after the first available appointment time. It says it isn't available. You go back, re-enter the date, pick another time, submit. Not available. You try this five or six times before you say "!@#$%" and go back and pick the first available time, even thou it wasn't what you really wanted.

Next, you show up at the DMV. The parking lot is completely full, with people parked on the street and in the lot for the city pool/park next door. After you find a spot, you venture to the spot of the building where the giant line is extending out the door. With your appointment printout in hand, you proceed inside and try to figure out where to go first. A small sign at the front of the giant line of people says "appointments report to window #20". You wait in the small line of people at window #20, and once helped the nice lady tells you to take your car around the building for the inspection people, then come back and she'll give you a number.

Outside you go, driving back from one parking lot to the other. You're not sure exactly where to go, and the giant line of cars for people waiting to take their driving exam blocking the signage doesn't help. Driving past that line you see your line, which has minivan half blocking the entrance because they too want a driving exam and the entrances are adjacent. A small circle around, and a prayer of thanksgiving that you're driving a mini cooper so you can get around this minivan-halfway-in-your-lane. You zoom past the driver-test people, in your head saying "ha, sucks to be them!" and up to the front of your line you go, with only one other car in front of you. As you wait, and fill out the paperwork given you by the lady at window #20. Then you wait some more. Then you turn on the radio and listen to a few tunes. Radio back off. At least it's a nice day and the breeze is blowing. Ah, here comes a lady! She goes over the paperwork with the guy from the red car in front of you, and within a couple minutes she is done and he zooms off. You pull forward. A minute later the guy from behind you comes up to ask if you can pull forward a bit more so he can get thru, he made a wrong turn into that line. So you pull forward, wait for him to go by, and then back up again. The lady is gone, nowhere to be seen. You wait. And wait. And wait. And "wait. What was the point of making an appointment?" Finally a guy comes up with a clipboard, looks carefully all around the car, under the hood, and marks down the mileage. Checks the VIN in every place it is printed on the car. Signs the paper and gives it to you, then he too disappears. It's now almost an hour after you began.

Back to the pool/park parking lot you go, and back inside the DMV building. You wait again for window #20 lady, only a few minutes. She remembers you (remarkably), and prints out your number. A009. It's stamped an 10:44, 59 minutes after your appointment. All the numbers being called are B's or C's, so you really have no idea how far down the list you are. Now if you were calling American Express Customer Service, they'd likely tell you "your approximate hold time is x minutes". At the DMV, they just make you wait. So you mill about, trying to find a place out of the way, and hopefully either a chair or something to lean upon. You locate a post, and wait for the first A number to be called. 10 minutes later, no A's. You spot a scrolly sign which tells you the approximate wait times at this location and the two other nearest DMV offices. Yours of course is the longest. Wait time with an appointment, 14 minutes, without, 1 hour 48 minutes. Both other DMVs have 0 wait time with an appointment, and between 15-45 minute wait time otherwise. Stellar. Five minutes later they finally call A007. Ok, not so bad. Maybe they'll do a bunch of A's in a row. B111. Ok, so much for that idea... it was an idea. 46 minutes later the scrolly sign reads that appointment wait time is now 45 minutes at your location. "LIAR! I've been waiting longer than that, my ticket says so!" Finally, about 55 minutes after you started you're called to window #12.

The lady at window #12 informs you she can only do the registration, but she'll get someone else to do the license for you when she's finished. After reviewing the Title and Registration from AZ, she informs you that you have to surrender the AZ plates. "Huh? I should be able to turn them in to AZ to get a refund." She replies "are you going to surrender them to AZ or CA?" Fine, I guess I'll just leave them here... not worth the effort of dealing with AZ at this point. "Smog test?" she asks. You haven't done it, because the website isn't clear, and it sounds like you can just go do it afterwards and then everything is done. Oh, well, in that case you only get a temporary sticker, and you have to come back with the smog certification. Stellar. She types in everything from the form you filled out while waiting on the inspector into the computer. "Why didn't they just give me a terminal and let me type it in for them? I had 55 minutes to do that." She disappears for 10 minutes to do some paperwork, and reappears with a stack to give to you, most of which is meaningless because you can't get a plate until you come back.

(I'm now getting tired of typing) So, the DL part seems smoother at first. Straight to the window, paperwork, pay them money, get receipt, get photo, go to take exam. Yes, CA makes you take the written exam. I'd studied for 15 minutes the night before so I was prepared! Wait in line, the exam room has two attendants and two lines... one line for people coming in, and one line for people finished with exams. There's about 7-10 people in each line. 10 minutes later I have the exam, go to one of the booths and start filling it out. Oh yeah, that brings up a point. The DMV apparently doesn't like chairs. There's a few chairs for people scattered about the main lobby, but not much, and otherwise it's pretty much standing... standing while talking to window #20, standing while talking to window #12, and now standing to take the exam. Anyway, the ~35 question exam is pretty straight forward, with a few nitpick questions like "what do you need to transport animals in the back of a pickup" Um, I drive a mini. Anyway, 10 minutes later I'm done and waiting in the line of 10 people to have my exam graded. Wait. One of the two attendants in the exam room are now gone. Now two lines, one person. This seems bad. Both lines are growing. Dude at the front is pissed because he failed his motorcycle exam for the 2nd time. Finally he calms down, and the lady (the slower of the two who were there at first) processes the queues as they get deeper and deeper. There's no way for her to win, especially with all of the immigrants whose paperwork seems to be 4 times as complicated. About an hour after entering the exam room I'm finally done. My AZ license is punched, and I get a paper saying that I am now licensed by the state of CA. Wait. Paper? Yes, paper. I ask, "what's next?" expecting to go to another line to wait for my license. "Your license will arrive in the mail in about 4 weeks." Wha? no license? I'm thinking... this is a mixed blessing... one less line to wait in, but my AZ license is punched. What gives? Blah.

Net result: 3 hours of time at the DMV, and I have only a few pieces of paper to show for it. No CA license, no CA plates. And this was *with* an appointment.